when i was a kid, i asked my dad where babies came from and he said something like “ur mom had a stomach ache and she went to the bathroom n then came out with you” and i feel like thats his way of calling me a piece of shit

(via pizza)


I wish boobs did the bra thing without having to wear the bra

(Source: baoziikari, via crystallized-teardrops)

Putting your hand over a girls mouth to stop people hearing her moaning is the hottest thing

Kissing her and letting her moan into your mouth is even sexier

(Source: kkwl, via thecapricaydiaries)

Doctor: I think you'll need a shot
Doctor: AYYYYY *brings out tequila*


*forgets to talk to friends for 4 weeks*

(Source: baebees, via thecapricaydiaries)


I’m thankful for all the different ways I can eat potatoes

(Source: buckyraccoon, via fake-mermaid)


“i don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet

so me.

(via seedy)